I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom…

Why do we listen to music? Essentially, it is to feel something. Oftentimes great music makes us feel introspective, sad or inspired. In my experience it is hard for a great song to make you feel genuinely happy. Digital Underground’s “The Humpty Dance” makes us feel happy. The song is funny in the same way that your favorite comedians are funny. How many songs can you say that for? Shock G accomplishes this by becoming his alter ego “Humpty Hump”.

Humpty is a skinny, big-nosed, horny, lumpy oatmeal-loving, young black hippy. He is unashamed about each of those characteristics. He is self-deprecating while at the same time self-promoting. He loves women, dancing and partying…or as he calls it, “getting stupid”. He even sometimes surprises himself that he gets women. It is all relatively clean fun.

His outfit is so absurd that it crosses over into looking awesome. He wears a fake nose and glasses, but he wears a stylish blazer and white feathery hat with the tags still on. He is the antithesis of what was popular in hip-hop at the time. He doesn’t like all that fancy choregraphed dancing like MC Hammer does… his dance is easy and each person does it in their own style. In fact, when you do it you look so bad you look like your leg is broken.

The sound is great and is punctuated by two unique features. Shock G’s “Humpty Hump” character has a unique voice—it sounds like his nose is stuffed all the time (or like he is rapping with a big fake nose on). It sounds surprisingly good. The other is the way his rhymes sound both comical, absurd and fun, like this:

…But sometimes I get ridiculous/
I’ll eat up all your crackers and your licorice/
Hey yo fat girl, come here–are ya ticklish?

I promise that is the only time someone will rhyme “ridiculous”, “licorice” and “ticklish” in a song. And still, it rolls off his tongue.

Isn’t this just a novelty song? I don’t think so. This is different than something like “Itsy Bitsy Tini Weeni Yellow Polka Dot Bikini”. The Humpty Dance still brings joy thirty years after it was written. It still sounds innovative. It sparked a bunch of imitators (like “Babys Got Back”) and Digital Underground contributed to the hip-hop world in other ways by introducing Tupac Shakur to the masses. And the song is so damned hilarious.

The Humpty Dance Lyrics

All right!
Stop whatcha doin’
‘Cause I’m about to ruin
The image and the style that ya used to

I look funny
But yo I’m makin’ money, see
So yo world I hope you’re ready for me

Now gather round
I’m the new fool in town
And my sound’s laid down by the Underground
I drink up all the Hennessey ya got on ya shelf
So just let me introduce myself

My name is Humpty, pronounced with a Umpty
Yo ladies, oh how I like to hump thee
And all the rappers in the top ten–please allow me to bump thee
I’m steppin’ tall, y’all
And just like Humpty Dumpty
You’re gonna fall when the stereos pump me

I like to rhyme
I like my beats funky
I’m spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy
I’m sick wit dis, straight gangsta mack
But sometimes I get ridiculous
I’ll eat up all your crackers and your licorice
Hey yo fat girl, come here–are ya ticklish?
Yeah, I called ya fat
Look at me, I’m skinny
It never stopped me from gettin’ busy
I’m a freak
I like the girls with the boom
I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom

I’m crazy
Allow me to amaze thee
They say I’m ugly but it just don’t faze me
I’m still gettin’ in the girls’ pants
And I even got my own dance

The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump
Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, just watch me do the Humpty Hump
Do ya know what I’m doin’, doin’ the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump

People say “Yo, Humpty, you’re really funny lookin'”
That’s all right ’cause I get things cookin’
Ya stare, ya glare, ya constantly try to compare me
But ya can’t get near me
I give ’em more, see, and on the floor, be
All the girls they adore me
Oh yes, ladies, I’m really bein’ sincere
‘Cause in a 69 my humpty nose will tickle ya rear

My nose is big, uh-uh I’m not ashamed
Big like a pickle, I’m still gettin’ paid
I get laid by the ladies, ya know I’m in charge
Both how I’m livin’ and my nose is large

I get stoopid, I shoot an arrow like Cupid
I use a word that don’t mean nothin’, like luptid
I sang on Doowhutchalike, and if ya missed it
I’m the one who said just grab ’em in the biscuits

Also told ya that I like to bite
Well, yeah, I guess it’s obvious, I also like to write
All ya had to do was give Humpty a chance
And now I’m gonna do my dance

The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump
Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, just watch me do the Humpty Hump
Do ya know what I’m doin’, doin’ the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump

Oh, yeah, that’s the break, y’all
Let me hear a little bit of that bass groove right here
Oh, yeah!
Now that I told ya a little bit about myself
Let me tell ya a little bit about this dance
It’s real easy to do–check it out

First I limp to the side like my leg was broken
Shakin’ and twitchin’ kinda like I was smokin’
Crazy wack funky
People say ya look like M.C. Hammer on crack, Humpty
That’s all right ’cause my body’s in motion
It’s supposed to look like a fit or a convulsion
Anyone can play this game
This is my dance, y’all, Humpty Hump’s my name
No two people will do it the same
Ya got it down when ya appear to be in pain
Humpin’, funkin’, jumpin’
Jig around, shakin’ ya rump
And when the dude a chump pump points a finger like a stump
Tell him step off, I’m doin’ the Hump

The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump
Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, just watch me do the Humpty Hump
Do ya know what I’m doin’, doin’ the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
Black people, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
White people, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
Puerto Ricans, do the Humpty Hump, just keep on doin’ the hump
Samoans, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump

Let’s get stoopid!
The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump
Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, just watch me do the Humpty Hump
Do ya know what I’m doin’, doin’ the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
Oh, yeah, come on and break it down
Once again, the Underground is in the house
I’d like to send a shout out to the whole world
Keep on doin’ the Humpty Dance
And to the ladies
Peace and humptiness forever

Songwriters: George Clinton / Gregory Jacobs / Walter Morrison / William Bootsy Collins